Norm MacDonald Crushes OJ Simpson (Compilation) SNL Weekend Update Cella...

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Let's get oj oj simpson's lawyers say they don't want the families of Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman in the courtroom during the trial they're afraid the presence of the family members will just remind oj how much more killing he still has to do hand oj announced this week that he's coming out with a new book called i want to tell you and if it's successful oj will work on yet another book entitled from football to prison my 25 years of showering with other men in his book oj simpson says that he would have taken a bullet or stood in front of a train for Nicole man i'm going to tell you that is some bad luck when the one guy who would have died for you.
Kills you that if you don't get worse like than that tomorrow judge Lance Ito will take oj and the jury on a tour of the now famous crime scene for the jury will be their first look at the actual location of course row j will be just a case of been there done that judge Lance Ito is happy with the jurors field trip to the crime scene last week it went off without a hitch said oh not one murder.
And this week Simpson defense lawyers question witnesses about a half-melted container of ice cream found at the murder site the simpson defense has seized upon the ice cream for two reasons one it may help fix the time of the murders and two it was the only thing in the murder scene without any of oj is blood on it.
No James pal al cowlings now has a 1 900 number 4 299 a minute cowlings will tell callers that oj is innocent and for 399 a minute you'll try to do it without laughing was oj simpson high on speed the night of the murders absolutely not said defense attorney Johnnie Cochran today and a simple test of any of oj is blood found at the crime scene will prove it.
[Applause].
And oj pal Kalin said this week that in looking for the truth in the oj simpson case he sometimes talks to a picture of nicole brown simpson something that in the past would have gotten him killed by oj oj has struck again have got that good thing and in court this week Kato Kaelin testified that oj simpson did not appear angry before or after the period of his wife's murder but Kalin admitted he could have been a touch energy while he was actually murdering her I didn't.
This week the oj simpson trial the infamous bloody glove was finally introduced into evidence and OJ didn't help his case any by blurting out there it is i've been looking all over for that.
And a new shocker in the oj simpson trial this afternoon judge Lance Ito dismissed yet another juror a 45 year old african-american male for failing to tell the court that he had once worked for Hertz rent-a-car and that he had once held the cold ground simpsons glasses while oj killed her a bad week for the prosecution of the oj simpson trial under intense cross-examination by defense lawyer Barry Scheck LAPD crime expert Dennis fun admitted that he may have contaminated the crime scene when he accidentally dropped a big bucket full of OJ's DNA.
Dismissed Simpson sure Jeanette Harris revealed in interviews this week but the jury is torn by dissension and has already divided into two camps those who think he's guilty and those who are really really stupid.
Our top story tonight this weekend the oj simpson trial after grisly photos of the murder nicole brown simpson was shown in court.
Oh je turned his head away and wept it was at that moment that he realized he would never be able to kill her again well in a question will move by the defense team this week oh j simpson demonstrated how to stabbed two people at the same time well II trial of the century is over late yesterday the fate of OJ Simpson the most famous murder suspect in united states history was placed in the hands of the jurors they must now decide whether to free him or get all their heads cut off.
Testimony during the final week provided some spellbinding moments in a brilliant move during closing arguments simpson attorney Johnnie Cochran put on the knit cap prosecutors say oj wore the night he committed the murders although Jamie may have heard his case when he suddenly blurted out hey easy with that that's my lucky Stabbin hat.
In the course of is summation Cochran also brought up detective Mark Fuhrman calling him a quote genocide already sustained and comparing him to Adolf Hitler Furman later responded after all the things he said about me during this trial.
It's a little late to start sucking up now.
Well it is finally official murder is legal in the state of California two hours after the verdict la police had their first solid lead in the hunt for the real killer a new witnesses come forward who saw three men fleeing the crime scene the night of the murders police have released this sketch would like to hear from anyone who's seen these three individuals I'm choose their 115 the moment the simpson verdict was delivered Court TV scored its highest ratings ever an hour later the channel went out of business well that covers main development in the oj simpson case this week and after all other important things are going on in the world now more oj simpson when Simpson trial Georgina rodborough returned home this week four little girls were delighted to have her back and no wonder she lets him get away with murder.
Meanwhile in Washington mayor Marion Barry praised the verdict as quote wise and just and he called upon people of all races to please get him some crack meanwhile this we go jets a girlfriend Paula Barbieri to see the erotic murder mystery Jade other moviegoers took the couple's presidents in stride though they did become uncomfortable when oj repeatedly shouted and shouted out you call that a Stabbin after initially Valley never to rest until his wife's killers are brought to justice.
Oj simpson this week changed his pledge slightly he nows to have sex with hot looking models Simpson had been discussing marriage with girlfriend Paula Barbieri but reportedly she has called the wedding off her fear was that if they married she would be brutally murdered and then and then someone would try to pin it on oj.
The LA district attorney's office is given marcia clark and Christopher garden christopher darden bonuses of over ten thousand dollars for quote lengthy hard time duty unquote in the oj simpson case a spokesman for the DA said that the prosecutors bonuses would have been even higher.
Except for the fact that they let a killer go free.
According to report out this week oj simpson is still extremely angry that Robert Shapiro began writing a book while he was defending the football legend.
However Simpson is extremely pleased that he got away with killing his wife and that waiter a down-and-out oj simpson just press that all of his money making ideas have failed has decided to go back to doing what he does best killing people.
In a surprise move oj simpson is offered to give an interview to CNN with quote absolutely no ground rules but interviewers greta van susteren and Roger Cossack have asked for one don't kill us.
This week on nbc's dateline three members of the simpson jury explain their not guilty votes and argued that if Simpson had killed his wife there should have been blood stains all over his gait front door and light switches also this week Simpson friend al cowlings released his video how to get blood stains up gates front doors and right.
[Music].
And in brentwood oj himself was spotted manning a lemonade stand with his daughter Sydney asked by reporters why sales were so poor oj replied beats me and anyway back to cutting lemons with a giant knife in his civil court deposition this week OJ Simpson denied under oath that he ever punched kicked or slapped his ex-wife Nicole oh great as if oj isn't busy enough tracking down the real killers now he's got to track down the real-life beater to well in a sworn deposition this week oj simpson claimed that he never ever beat choked or hit his ex-wife with a closed or open fist.
Luckily for oj lawyers forgot to ask if he'd ever cut her head off ok.
A new development the OJ Simpson civil trial this week according to sworn testimony nicole brown simpson had told her therapist that she was afraid of getting beaten by OJ Simpson asked why he didn't report this earlier the therapist said I was afraid of getting beaten by OJ Simpson I said getting beaten and I may have heard a little according to a senate committee on violence Denise brown has done more to bring attention to the cause of battered women than any other person well almost any other once again oj gets short shrift top story tonight in Los Angeles this week Lyle and Erik Menendez were found guilty of first-degree murder so to review California law it is killing your wife legal killing your parents illegal.
Yesterday on Rivera live Kato Kaelin made the startling admission that he now thinks oj simpson is guilty although authorities suspect this may just be part of an attempt by kato to crash at Fred Goldman's place for a while.
Meanwhile since the dream team attorney Alan Dershowitz was back in the news this week and good lord is he ugly take a look at the guy i mean this is an ugly ugly guy no two ways about it an ugly character alright shocking new development the oj simpson case late this afternoon a high-ranking official in the Los Angeles Police Department admitted to Geraldo Rivera that the police did conspire to frame oj simpson for the murders of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman however they call the conspiracy off when they got to the murder scene and found that oj really did do it in a highly unusual ruling the California State Supreme Court declared this week that oj simpson attorney Alan Dershowitz is quote one ugly bastard arriving back in the US after his week in London oj simpson was asked by a reporter why he hadn't spent mother's day with his children a visibly annoyed Simpson replied idiot i didn't spend Mother's Day with my kids because I killed their mother.
While in England where he spoke at Oxford University Simpson had defended actor Marlon Brando's criticism of Hollywood Jews later from his island hideaway Brando sent oj a telegram which red you're not helping well more oj simpson new I'm friday the juice officially endorsed Bill Clinton for president adding adding quote I'd like to help him any way I can enrich the president replied well there is one thing.
In Los Angeles this week defense suffered a setback in the second oj trial when Simpson was ordered to turn over a secret video tape which lawyers say contains proof of his guilt what's on the tape the first oj trial finally this week lawyers in the new oj simpson trial actually found a prospective juror who claims to know nothing about oj simpson the murders or the first trial and who told the court quote I don't even know when it started or ended.
Unfortunately the man had to be disqualified when it was learned that he had been a juror in the first row j truck during a recent interview on 2020 longtime oj simpson friend Robert Kardashian said he now believed Simpson may be guilty though he did add that had he believed oj was guilty at the time he never would have agreed to hide his bloody clothes and knife a civil trial in los angeles Weight oj simpson attorneys began their case with an attack on the cold ground Simpsons character outrage Brown family lawyers responded quote Nicole is a victim no matter what she did she certainly did not cut her own throat to which Simpsons attorneys replied on the contrary that is precisely what we intend to prove at the Simpson civil trial this week oj and Fred Goldman got into an explosive shouting match mr. Golden Bell oj don't give me that damn look loj shouted back I wasn't even looking at you you're just mad because I killed your son oj simpson was in a different courtroom this week attempting to regain custody of his two children in order to prove to the court how much he loves his kids oh je pointed out quote hey they're still alive aren't they well the annual list of most dangerous holiday toys is out number one this year mattel's iPoker outer according to researchers Australia koala bears have fingerprints so close to those of human beings that they could easily be moved be mistaken by police at the scene of a crime it should be noted however that the research was funded by OJ Simpson top story tonight comes from the OJ Simpson civil trial where this week it was revealed that in his first interview with police Simpson had refused to take a lie-detector test his reason it detects lives meanwhile Simpson defense attorney Robert Baker argued that a dark spot in a crime scene photo was a quote mystery shoe prints suggesting that there were actually two killers oj hope this will support his theory that he did not act alone this week of the OJ Simpson civil trial the focus shifted from the defendant to the alleged character flaws of nicole brown simpson attorney for oj hammered away at her lifestyle citing sexual promiscuity drug use and the fact that she married a double murderer dramatic testimony this week in a civil trial oj simpson said he didn't commit suicide only because quote my mother told me you don't go to heaven if you kill yourself.
Oddly his mother did say quote it's okay to kill other people in a unanimous verdict this week a santa monica jury found oj simpson liable for the wrongful deaths of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman awarding the plate of sandwiches of eight and a half million dollars reacting to the verdict Simpson insisted that he has nowhere near that amount of money and that his only remaining asset is 30 pairs of Brunei Molly shoes as the jury's decision was announced in the cold ground sister Denise brown told reporters quote I feel ecstatic.
Well Johnnie Cochran said quote I accept the verdict and now we must move on meanwhile kato colon Kato Kaelin I'm sorry.
Kato Kaelin said quote please God don't let it be over.
The announcement of the verdict came toward the end of President Clinton's annual state of the union address and many observers completely overshadow the event even the president was distracted during his speech waiting to hear exactly how much it costs to kill your wife.
Top story tonight this week of the civil trial oj simpson the jury which had earlier fan of malaya below the death of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson this we tacked on an additional 25 million dollars and punitive damages on hearing the news Simpson declared quote this is far from over as to clarify that statement oj said quote i'm going to kill more people what you think I met more bad news for oj this week harpercollins reached an agreement with the Brown family to publish his late wife's diary especially troublesome to Simpson is this final entry dear diary I have to run now because OJ's here to murder me and also the guy who returned my glasses I think he might murder him to also this week in California newspaper revealed the oj simpson was awarded custody of his children mainly because a court-ordered psychological tests showed that he is a loving father.
It should be noted however that the same tests also showed that he was a loving husband.
According to jason is Terry Baker when LJ's mother Eunice Simpson first heard about the slaying of Nicole ground she exclaimed he did it reached for comment oj said my mom was just guessing i hadn't even told her yet reported this way that Simpson prosecutors marcia clark and chris darden often passed sexually explicit now it's back and forth at the trial notes which discussed each other's quote turn ons and according to the notes both door garden and Clark are turned on by the same freakish thing Alan Dershowitz meanwhile oj himself may have some explaining to do four months he has denied hiding financial assets including valuable sports mementos from the brown and golden families but earlier today Simpson pal AC cowlings was stopped as he tried to leave the country in the backseat of his Bronco police found OJ's Heisman Trophy disguise with a tiny fake beard.
More bad news for oj simpson this week in Los Angeles court order to return over his heisman trophy to the Goldman family in addition the same court may order Simpson to surrender a coffee mug inscribed world's greatest husband were followed from the recent conviction of British opare Louise Woodward on murder charges this week for attorney barry scheck lashed out at the legal system saying quote what kind of sick society do we live in where an innocent girl is sent to prison while the double murder like oj simpson goes free kind of it meanwhile oj simpson's Brentwood estate officially went on sale this week with an asking price of 3.9 million dollars according to realtor some of the homes highlights include a newly renovated gourmet kitchen any luxurious master master bathroom with separate thanks for murderer and Marie.
Murderer.


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